Angry Cubs: Our Children Clubs

Every single being on this living planet gets "angry". 

You won't find a single person who has never experienced this emotion called 'anger'. 

Is it that bad an emotion?

Actually... No.

Anger is an emotion which naturally comes to us when our 'wish' or 'need' is not fulfilled. 

And our little children, as they grow, get to 'wish' certain things as per their understanding and surroundings. And, if they don't get that, we have to encounter their 😡😠faces. 

But how to manage our angry cubs in such situations?

Let's evaluate what actually are their needs, wants and desires. Which of them should we fulfill? Which of them should we ignore? And, which of them should we refuse?

1. Hungry Children make Angry Children- We all must have heard this new word 'Hangry' by Gen Z / Gen Alpha.

Children (especially < 10 years), majorly get irritated and cranky when they are hungry. So, whenever you find your young child/ children visibly frustrated, check if they could be hungry. If yes, just go to kitchen and make something for them. The work is done. Let their tummies be full and you see them again smiling and dancing and running. (As if their tummies are replenished with petrol like a car😀). Scientifically too, hunger increases the stress hormones, which in turn, causes irritation.

2. Comparative emotions and desires- Children often tend to compare certain things with their peers or friends, like from toys to books to even cars and jobs of their parents. Whenever your children ask for certain things irritatingly, just enquire in a disguised way from where they are coming from? Do not start shouting at them for this, just listen and tell them- "Okay, let me think about it first. Give me some time." And then after some time, discuss it with them.

Remember, you can't say 'NO' to each and everything. Figure out that either this thing should be/ can be fulfilled or not. You need to and you should fulfil 3 out 10 wishes of your children and you can always twist and turn and give them something better than what they wanted.

3.  Study related irritations: Many children get visibly irritated and angry near exam time, especially those who are not fond of studies. It's absolutely fine. I have seen many below average students reaching to topmost universities and colleges, later in life. But that does not mean that we should not encourage them to study more. We should.

I once taught a child. He used to get really frustrated and angry before any test or exam. I asked him," Do you know how many children study in schools in India?" 

"No," he replied.

"It's approximately 250 million children." 

"And how many of them must be in your grade?" I asked. "They all must be studying like you, or, is it that school is taking your exam only?" 

He got my point, giggled, and studied happily for all his exams.

Another example which I often quote is: Can we hammer a nail strongly in one hit? The answer is no. Likewise, for studies we need to study and revise again and again, so that we understand the concept completely and it fits into our brain strongly. 

These small examples instil a sense of normalcy and calm in kids. Think of some more from your own experiences.

4. Have a dialogue with them daily and Give them time: If your child is getting high on anger on regular basis, start having a dialogue with them. When they come back from school, hear them, but don't throw innumerable questions on them. Let them be on their own for some time. First share 'your' routine with them and then ask about 'their' day.

Making your children independent is another thing but giving them ample time in the day is also important. They feel more secure and confident about themselves which, in turn, makes them active and happy children.

5. Sibling fights: Sibling fights are actually good. Not all anger is bad. Though we need to teach anger management to our children but venting out is also important. We can never go inside children's mind to understand everything so it's okay if they have occasional fights. It releases their pent-up emotions, and you see them really fresh, active and playing together after some time.😊

6. Do not rush to a doctor or therapist: These days children are raised up in overprotective and over possessive way. A slight change in their behaviour and mothers start thinking- Why is my child not talking? Why my child is not mixing with other children? Why my child gets angry and throws things here and there? And then comes the thought- Is he stressed out? Shall I see a child counsellor? A mother and a father are the best counsellors and best therapists, if they develop a close bond with their children. 

While filling an admission form for my daughter, we had to write an answer to the question- "What do you do when your child gets angry, throws tantrums and lies down on floor while crying?" We answered- "We just ignore the child for 4-5 minutes and then try to distract our child in something else." We were really appreciated by the school teacher on our answer. 

Sometimes, ignoring some normal to abnormal patterns of children is the best. When in doubt, just close your eyes and look back on your growing up years. Were you the most polite, humble, soft spoken, over- obedient child? 😀 Of course, No.

Anger management is a very complex and subjective issue. Each child is different, all parents are different, approach to handle their children is different. "You" yourself need to figure out the reason behind your child's anger. If you find that, then nothing better than that. Nobody knows the children best as compared to parents. 

At last, remember 'anger can never cut anger'. Neither you can switch OFF an 'angry' button because everyone encounters contrary situations throughout the life and getting irritated and angry is bound to happen. So, find ways together with your children to manage it. 

Anger, Angry, Angriness,

Normal emotion of all us.

Help your children manage it, 

So that it doesn't, creates a mess.